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Pages: I have been here for a month or [1]
Author Topic: I have been here for a month or two
Indira

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Posts: 1

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2011-02-08 0-04-08-

I have been here for a month or two and you all have given me some great advice. First my husband wasnt having sex with me, and it was very vanilla. Then you guys gave me ideas, and for about a week or he was great. He was getting into taking more control. Now he tells me he doesnt like it, he still wont go down on me, and we just had our year anniversary(wedding anniversary) and no sex. He is 22, and I know he isnt cheating, but what else am I to do. Is this worth ruining our marriage over. If everything is great but our sex life? Please help. And please no guys offering to satisfy me please. Just some background...he doesnt tall me he doesnt want sex...he just says he is tired, wants to cuddle, doesnt feel good and all of those excuses. I have tried everything. Its either not often enough, and when it does happen its not good. I feel like he is using me and just lasting a few minutes til he cums and then rolls over and goes to sleep not caring that he didnt satisfy me. We fight about it all the time and it is starting to mess up our marriage.
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hopkin

User
Posts: 3

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2011-02-10 2-21-45-

Get into counselling you are both really young, and have a lot of change coming in the next few years. (I know, people tell you this all the time, and it's likely you won't realize they were right until your late 20s and early 30s). You both have to be willing to allow the other to grow and change - and also recognize that you may change so much that the idea of spending the rest of your lives together isn't going to be the reality.
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  • pentti

    Hero Member
    Posts: 2

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    2011-02-11 2-46-42-

    if this is such a big issue already in your lives and you've only been married a year... my best advice is first to seek counseling and at least try (for your own conscience at least) to get to the root of the issue. But if he refuses, or the counseling isn't fruitful, move on. Your investment (so to speak) isnt that great yet. Every year you stay you're essentially upping your bet.
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    goldsby

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    2011-02-12 18-36-53

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    babers

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    2011-02-17 6-26-33-

    yes we have 3 age 5, 3, and 7 months
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  • Helma

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    Posts: 13

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    2011-03-03 0-56-26-

    I'm sorry to hear that but unfortunately it really doesn't change things. Your relationship with your husband is the foundation for your family. If that isn't there (because of sex issues or whatever) then it isn't there. Counciling should reveal this, but please don't spend 10 years wishing for something to get better on its own. In all likelihood it won't.
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    Cindi

    Sr. Member
    Posts: 3

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    2011-04-07 11-37-59

    i have been there i was married before, and i knew it wasnt going to get better, so i just decided that i should leave while i was young. YOu have to understand being a single mom of x isnt practical. With the economy daycare for x costs almost x a month. its not practical.. Its not even about that...I want to be with him, and outside of sex everything is great
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    males

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    2011-06-26 10-54-42

    Ok that's wrong. I am a single mom of x and I would rather be alone then unhappy. Your sense the stress and being unhappy and if you argue around them they know that to. It's better to end it then to teach them that it's ok for parents to fight parents to say ugly words and that mom and dad are unhappy but they stay togewther just for us that in itself makes the unhappy.
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  • springman

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    2011-08-06 6-20-20-

    they learn quickly what's what anyway
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  • hagel

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    Posts: 4

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    2011-08-27 12-09-26

    we dont fight around the but i could not afford to be a single mom. The love him, and i have been through a divorce because of what you are saying, so i completely understand. We never fight except for at night when he doesnt have sex with me. Its really the only thing we fight about
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    gattis

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    Posts: 18

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    2011-09-19 17-56-31

    You may not fight infront of the but aren't stupid. And you can do anything you put your mind to. I've know women and men who raised their on their own with no help and still made it.
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    decaire

    Sr. Member
    Posts: 11

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    2011-11-14 16-35-26

    and oyu need to think i can do this say you can't over and over doesn't help the know...dont care if you fight in front of them or not they know
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    steely

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    Posts: 26

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    2011-12-15 3-45-16-

    i have done it... my first x are from my first marriage, so i have been a single mom. I know how it is and i dont want to go there again.
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    ruddy

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    2012-02-08 3-24-13-

    You may not WANT to but you maybe FORCED to,.
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    margo

    Hero Member
    Posts: 19

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    2012-02-11 23-51-44

    well clearly he's not making you happy and he may lose you over this. Have you tried telling him straight up, that he either takes care of business in the bedroom, gives you permission to find a FWB, or loses you?
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    jutras

    Full Member
    Posts: 15

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    2012-03-08 4-30-05-

    i have made that very clear. he will have sex with me like everyday for a week then back to normal. He also gets emotional and tells me he doesnt want to lose me. He just knows he isnt satisfying me so he doesnt want to try, and fail. i tell him he doesnt satisfy me because he doesnt even try.
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  • karaffa

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    Posts: 2

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    2012-03-19 6-10-29-

    You guys seem to have a pretty strong foundation so it is possible you will be able to get him on the same page sexually - but you need external help because what you've tried isn't working. Could you frame going to counselling as a way to learn to communicate with each other better, so he doesn't get all skittish thinking he's going to have to talk about sex?
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  • Bunny

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    Posts: 18

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    2012-06-16 17-09-20

    thats what im probably going to do
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  • niland

    Sexy
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    2012-09-07 10-04-15

    because it doesn't take it from me mama these issues don't go away
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    navarra

    Hero Member
    Posts: 29

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    2012-10-07 10-56-37

    ya i know i just am thinking about counseling, and thats a last resort, so i was wondering if anybody had any ideas
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  • searfoss

    User
    Posts: 51

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    2012-11-26 16-13-47

    counseling shouldn't be the last resort.
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    lacoss

    Sr. Member
    Posts: 29

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    2013-01-26 21-23-04

    i think that is good idea mama and if he doesn't go you go get your head around this and some support i am just coming out of x years of marriage it didn't work (largely) due to fact that i a good little subbie and he is not a Dom...among other things the sex was great...just liek trying to put triangle in square it fits but there are gaps... take care of yourself first
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  • stull

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    Posts: 40

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    2013-01-30 5-33-11-

    thats a good anaolgy i understand. I think with this marriage i want to try so much harder since i am only x and have x and have been through a divorce. I am totally in love with him, and Ijust want this to work
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    ollis

    Hero Member
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    2013-03-12 7-35-40-

    i do understand really really but you still have to take care of you first the rest will take care of itself
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  • bobbitt

    Member
    Posts: 33

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    2013-03-17 7-44-28-

    Even better reason to get into couneslling to work things out - and move on and continue to co-parent while being happy in other relationships if they cannot.
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    margiotta

    Member
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    2013-04-05 22-44-00

    we have already talked, and neither one of us want divorce as an option. Is sex something worth ruining a good marriage over?
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  • meservey

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    Posts: 54

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    2013-06-04 9-11-23-

    what is it that makes you feel so good about it?
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  • imperia

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    Posts: 29

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    2013-06-08 2-55-23-

    we love eachother we have fun and he makes me happy and i love him. I can look into his eyes and it makes me get chills. He would do anything for me and vise versa. He has been through alot with me, and was my support while going through a divorce too. the sex is the only problem
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    mayor

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    2013-07-19 6-25-48-

    well, I hate to throw your own words back at you, but apparently he is NOT willing to do anything for me. Not even what many of us here would consider as satisfying the most basic of your needs.
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