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Pages: What would you do? [1]
Author Topic: What would you do?
graybill

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2015-05-22 21-44-28

What would you do? A friend of mine, who lives down the street from me, asked for a favor last night and I'm at odds with my answer to her. Due to a number of circumstances, my friend shares a home with another woman and more than a few minor ren. It's a roomy house but it is also a busy home with multiple generations caring for each other. As it happens, my friend's x y/o daughter is living with the eldest son of her "roommate" several miles out of town. To say that relationship is unhealthy would be an understatement. Her daughter is frightened with nowhere to go, no transportation, and is a student. When this daughter contacted our local battered women's shelter for temporary relief she was advised they wouldn't accept her unless she filed a police report, was physiy injured, or had ren of her own to protect. Gratefully, there are no ren involved but the daughter is resistant to filing a police report out of fear. My friend knows I have more spare space than money but she asked me if I would take her daughter in. I refused as tactfully as I could but I did so primarily out of fearing this young man's potential for stalking (or worse) which might be questionable to prove since his mother lives only a few doors away. I also suggested her daughter file the police report and reopen her request with our battered women's shelter. In the end, I feel lower than a fat lizard's belly in wet grass this morning. What would the 'fo do? Sigghhh.
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Karam

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2015-05-30 20-52-14

Oh my goodness Sorry, what a tough situation. I'm really irritated at the shelter, though I'm sure they have reasons. Your friend's daughter is right that bringing the police in can make a situation like this even more volatile -- she knows this guy and his potential reactions better than probably any You have to do what feels safe to you. Are there any resources where she goes to school? A women's center? Crisis counselors ... ? Would you be willing to take her in fornight and help the family find a safer place for her to go?
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  • linsey

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    2015-06-11 16-30-51

    Didn't think of a school crisis counselor. Thanks for that idea! As for taking her innight or so, that option has already been taken by a few of her daughter's friends.
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  • pilkerton

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    2015-06-18 6-09-40-

    Yes, I'm working on that... so far, no luck.
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  • jury

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    2015-07-14 10-06-13

    The most dangerous time in domestic violence is when the woman leaves.
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  • madalyn

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    2015-08-23 8-01-00-

    Safety is issue here Police report must be filed. Parent should insist on this as guardian.
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    Garo

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    2015-09-14 4-29-00-

    Sorry - Reread age
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  • Hui

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    2015-10-13 14-10-15

    I'm trying to explain that to my friend. From what I know, her daughter is living the perfect profile of the "battered spouse"... thinking she can believe his apologies, that things will get better, that she caused the issue. And then it starts all over again. It's a scary time for a lot of people for so many reasons.
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    rozek

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    2015-10-22 20-40-05

    Is there a legal aid office near by? They may be able to offer assistance. Some can assist with the drafting of a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order)and work with local shelters. When a police report is filed at the time of physical abuse an emergency TRO may be issued by the police. A TRO is just a piece of paper. Some abusers are even more angry when confronted with the order.
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  • workinger

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    2015-11-17 11-34-33

    You see, that's why I came to the 'fo! Legal aid office... another great idea.of my biggest concerns is the knee-jerk response this "man" will follow. I'm also concerned about the daughter's internal reaction because I know there is a history of abuse at the hands of her father (who, thank the godesses, lives in another country). It's a mess... I'm treading carefully here but I do appreciate all the support more than you may know. Really.
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    enwright

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    2015-12-27 22-04-11

    I think the daughter probably needs to be out of the area, not just a few miles away. is there anyone else that can take her in? I can't really say what I'd do, it sounds like it's her safety or yours. I would probably have taken her in for a night orand tried to find her elsewhere to stay in the mean time. I would absolutely encourage her to file the report.
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  • salz

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    2016-01-01 1-22-46-

    I can only hope the daughter... sees the light before something bad really happens. We have so much domestic violence here for such a small town. Since I don't personally know this young woman, the only avenues I have left are to encourage her mother to get the daughter to file the police report/restraining order, seek crisis counseling through the university (thanks nushka), and for both of them to be aware of their surroundings no matter where they are or what they're doing. This really is a "hot button" issue for me so I know I have to be careful with my involvement.
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    hendriksen

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    2016-04-06 8-32-38-

    You sound like you need A hug right now. My ex was severally beaten by a BF when she was x and when she tried to file a report she over heard the officer telling anotherthat he was not going to actually bother to file the report because "they would just be back together in a week anyway", so when the BF started stalking her and vandalizing her property, there was no report to support her claims. So I well understand your hesitation to take her in. What I would do should have no bearing on what you would do, my skill set is different from yours. As a suggestion, I might say offer to take her in only if she files a police report, so you have a leg up if you need to file for a restraining order, in fact the report might come with a restraining order anyway.
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