Not sure what to do (guy here) I met this girl on eharmony. She initiated contact. We've been dating for a couple months now. She's Chinese. In her profile, she said she was a "Traditional Girl". She also mentioned this to me in our first date. In every way, she's the kind of girl I'd love to settle down with. Pretty, smart, curious, we have such a great rapport and we love the same kinds of movies. She's the kind of girl you'd take home to Mom. By our third date she told me she wanted to take it really slow so that I've been respectful of that. After the first five dates I asked her how she felt and she said she liked me, she thought I was cute, but she needed to get to know me some more before becoming intimate. We've been dating now for three months and so far, not a single kiss, no holding hands. I told her that she should set the tone and I don't want to rush things and lose her, but I also wonder if I've hit the "friends" zone? For those who think she might still be a virgin, I don't know, but I don't think so. She was married once, in an arranged marriage for seven years that didn't work out, so part of me thinks she has to know what sex is all about. Part of me says I should talk to her to see if we've become just friends. And if she only wants to be friends I know I'll be crushed and get so depressed. My whole life I've been dating and I haven't ever met anyone as pretty and sweet and smart and fun to be around as this girl. But the other part of me says that unless some other girl comes around, and I'm enjoying her company (and I am), just let things be. So what if we can only be friends? Has anyone else entered my life? No. Are we having fun? Yes. Just let things happen and see where it goes. Thoughts? Should I talk with her? Just let things be? Enjoy it for what it is?

bust a move?

ME

what? I would make a move

traditional means that she's not going to be your 'girlfriend' who sleeps with you without a commitment you're either a friend who is dating her or you're going to propose and be her fiance and get married but she's not going to be a girlfriend

Sure, and once he puts a ring on her finger, he'll discover that "she" is a tranny, has no sex drive at all, or has a gaping cavern.

THE LAST ONE SAID i JUST WOULDNT QUIT

You wouldn't quit what exactly, banging other

he was made of my insaciable

if sex is all he's interested in he should clearly find someone else that's exactly the kind of person she intends to weed out - smart girl!

i think he made it clear that that's not all he's interested in .. intimacy can be more than just sex .. sounds like he's had no physical contact at all

She's just using you, duh. Next time, try keeping your wallet closed.

lmfao good luck dating that type with that technique! they depend on the $$$$$$$$$

No, it's definitely not this We split on everything, and in fact in a moment of fun she paid for dinner last night.

using him for dinner? doubt it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DitxWZo-wuc .HE DOESNT LOVE THIS HONEY.......OR DOES HE?????

hold her hand and if she doesn't pull away kiss her. report back here for your next instructions

FIRMLY PLEASE........

This weekend I tried to put my arm around her When I saw her I instinctively put my arm around her and I could feel her stiffen a bit. Perhaps because she's not used to physical affection or maybe because she's still very skittish. I instantly felt crushed, thinking, maybe this is over, maybe we are just friends. And then I thought maybe she just needs more time to get familiar with me. I think what I'm scared of is that, in the past few years I've dated a few women and they either turned into "just friends", or they were women I just couldn't see a future with, or the women just turned out to be not attracted to me. So I'm a bit scared to getting depressed over this. I'd be so disappointed and wouldn't know what to do. And lately, because of everything else, I've been a little depressed about my life.

you've got to talk to her about it it's clear that there is a communication barrier you need to break down before you can go much further

maybe he's afraid of what she'll say .. :( but i agree, communication needs to be stepped up a few notches

Yes...unfortunately I am a little afraid Part of me says that if there was another woman on the horizon, another person I could be hopeful about, I would be in a much better place to talk to her. But the last couple months, in my own life, I've been feeling a little depressed. It's the economy and my job and some recent disappointments and I'm a little scared that if I havemore disappointment I'd just fall into such a deep black depression. So while I want to talk with her, part of me says to wait a little while longer until I can be in a better frame of mind, when I can accept whatever she has to say.

Thank you After our first talk I realized she is the kind of person who like to talk calmly and maturely about a problem. I was so surprised by this. It's hard finding that kind of person. And she did say in that first talk that she was attracted to me and wanted to get to know me better. But I suppose after three months anything can happen. I think I've just been afraid to have that talk because the last month I've been in a horrible frame of mind. I've been so depressed lately over everything...the economy, my job, and a good friend just exited my life...that I feel likemore piece of bad news will just throw me over the edge. And the last few girls I dated over the last few years have left me with such a sense of disappointment, making me wonder if I'd ever meet anyone, if I could ever find anyone I liked.

does she have a bad history? hurt or abused in some way .. or the first marriage just didn't work out .. could explain intimacy issues .. just a shot in the dark

stalked more than once shot at chased with blade huh

We've talked a little about it She's Chinese. She married young, about x. It was an arranged marriage and the marriage went very bad. I don't think there was abuse or violence, but her husband basiy dropped out of life, she had to support him while he did nothing, and finally after a few years she said she couldn't do it any more. She started dating a couple years ago but I'm the first guy she's lasted with this long. Noelse ever went for more than a month.

i think it all starts with communication you have to find out where you stand with her .. whether it's what you want to hear or not, it will hurt more if you string yourself along hoping for something that isn't mutual the length of time she's spent with you sounds hopeful .. she may just need more time to get over her own fears or anxieties best of luck to you :)

maybe its been sooooooo long

Game over. She only sees you as a friend.