What to do when you have no chance of kink with your wife. I have tried gently talking to my wife about bondage. About vibrator toys. I love my wife and to be honest have no plans to find someone else. We have great casual sex. But it never gets very kinky. Its great sex. But I do have a darker side. I want to tie her up like an animal and fuck her pussy really good and hard. I want her to do what ever I say. I want her to be my little sex slave. I have tried to talk to her about all of this but she is'nt having any of it. She makes me feel embarassed about how I feel. She says she is not a whore and would never do those kind of things. I have tried and tried.

Tell her these are things you want to do And if she won't do them, you'll find somebody who will.

But I love her. I know I stated earlier that I would seek out someone who will do these things. But I'm second guessing that. I love her. I dont want anyone else. But I have kept these feeling bottled up for way to long. I dont know what to do anymore.

Tough love alert - don't blame your wife For your having bottled up and hidden this part of yourself from her. If you had shown her this aspect of you before you two committed to each other, then you might have been able to let go of her before you were both so enmeshed. Now, you've put both of you in the situation of being stuck with someone you're not sexually compatible with. If you NEED kink to be happy, then no amount of love is going to suffice. If you only WANT kink and NEED love to be happy, then stay with her and live with your decision to hide your desires. Ahhhh okay, now that that's outta the way...here's some gentle advice: What to do now, is ask your wife if she'd be agreeable to kind of starting over with you, from a place of deep honesty and intimacy, and if she'd be open to slowly exploring some other sexual options at a pace she sets.

Much better, DD! I'm sorry that she makes you feel embarassed about it :( I think that stone's suggestion earlier was a good one... start very slow, with a silk scarf or something while you're having fun, and see how she reacts to it. a light blindfold can work wonders too if you set the mood right

I have tried that. And she says yeah right buddy. She is'nt having it Mart. I have tried and tried. I have set the mood. I have said that its just role play to spice things up. She was a hard core southern baptist her whole life. Guess its my fault for falling for her all those years ago..

Yes, making you feel embarrassed is not fair You might try starting out by just tickling/caressing her with the scarf as part of your foreplay. Then try wrapping her wrists in it, do not tie it, so she can get out by just spreading her arms. Then just an overhand knot, she can still get out but she has to work a bit more. Take your time on each step, and let her get use to it.

Thank you for helping Thank you for helping. I did try that once with a silk scarf. She said what do you think your going to do with that? That night ended with no love making at all. She seems to have some sort of vindiction in regards to these things.

One last word Therapy Get some before you destroy your marriage

Sorry why? What have I said that would lead you to believe thats whats needed? How am I going destroy my marriage? I'm a very good husband. She's a very good wife. I love her more then most can love. As she does me. I seek to full fill my fantasies so i need Therapy?

therapy is not a dirty word it sounds like you have a real issue. we are not professionals here.

Marriage is the art of compromises She is not compromising and not playing fair. There is nothing wrong with what you want, but she will not even entertain the thought. You clearly resent her for her actions and attitudes. You think that is healthy? You have suggested you might consider cheating, you think that is healthy? The therapy is not for you, or her, it is for the marriage.

Three choices, as I see it Learn to live with what you have. Divorce. Cheat. That last one can not be justified in any way that does not make the cheater a douche. Two other possibilities, Get her permission to take a lover on the side. Make it worth her while.

well said

How do I make it worth her while?

You know her, I do not Helping around the house a lot? Make sure she knows her labor in the relationship is well valued? You have given me no reason for it, but I can not help but hear self centered in your posts. It may be you, it may be that it is the case with so many men that come in here looking for what you are. If I hear right, that is the place to start. A marriage is about "us" not about "me"

I treat her like a queen. Seriously. She knows her labor is valued. I tell her every day. I'm not self centered. I am talking about something that I want so I can see why you said that. But seriously I do show her how important she is. I also help around the house. I love her more then anything and tell her that everday. Not a day goes by that I dont say how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to have her in my life. All true words.

i would suggest a BDSM friendly counselor if it's a dealbreaker for you, sounds like you need outside help to make her understand how important this is.

Does she have any unexplored fantasies? What is her attitude toward sex in general?

Southern Baptist Sex is for procreation

Goes right back to your post about the x options sucks for him I guess.

Yeah sure sux to be me. Thanks again... She is southern baptist anymore. Just grew up that way. She love's sex with me. I dont think she feels like its just for procreation.

that's a start! :-) Seriously, I hope that some of our advice does help you out here. So how about those fantasies on her side?

I have asked her in the past but it doesnt seem that she has in fantasies. She used to say sex doesnt matter to her. She said she could live her whole life without it and she only does it for me. Recently she has been getting into it more. But its always the same sex. "Kisses, rub pussy with hand, she rubs cock with hers, we put on some lube, i fuck the holy hell out of her, she has multiple orgasms, i climax, its over, we feel great" Same ole positions, missionary, doggy, her on top. Nothing new. Been like this for almost x years. It feels great and I love it. But never anything more then that.

Well, while your D/s fantasies may only be a pipe dream, you should feel grateful that you have a woman you can share a loving relationship with and with whom your vanilla sex life, at least, can be pleasureable and enjoyable.

Your wanting it isn't any more wrong than her not wanting it. You can try to introduce new ideas, perhaps as role plays, that she would enjoy. But if, bottom line, she just doesn't like it--then she just doesn't like it. If she came in here wondering if we could advise her on how to find a vanilla lover because her husband was pressuring her to do things she felt uncomfortable doing--what would you have us tell her? If you say, "She doesn't want X, and I do want X. I don't want to leave her, and I don't want to cheat. What should I do?" then you have given us an impossible situation. We can't solve that. It's like my saying, "It's my dream to win the New York Marathon. However, I hate running, and I just won't do it. What should I do?" There's no answer to that. Either you love her more than your fantasies are worth, or you don't. You stay with her and find other ways to have a great sex life, or you leave her, or you stay and feel unsatisfied. What else could we possibly say?

I know this may not be entirely appropriate but I have to say it. Gaikokujin, I find the way you write such eloquent, well-written responses along with incisive, pointed observations that are delivered in a gentle fashion for the content, and your grace in all your posts to be incredibly sexy. Ok, my fawning post for the day has been written. Please allow normal kinkfo activities to continue.

Hey buddy, get back in the Gai crush line. LOl

LOL fair enough! I wonder how many other people here can claim it's from her grammar and word choice though?

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