I'm having trouble. It's been months since I was unceremoniously cheated on, lied to repeatedly, dumped, and then treated like the dirt stuck in her shoe tread. I still can't figure out how to deal with it, and it's getting worse; I've become emotionally unpredictable, and I'm drinking a bit too much. Her treatment of me and the break up caught me completely by surprise, and I think that's part of the reason it's been so hard for me.

Speak to a professional. Seriously.

This is known as a CBD... A Certified Big Deal. You can save yourself a lot of time and additional grief if you take the time to invest in yourself now... i.e: Research/find a good therapist. Consider a support group. (Maybe AA?) Check out the resources at your local LGBT center. Most importantly, realize you are not alone, and this too shall pass. Wishing you the best of luck.

Yeah, these are things I know cognitively. The problem is that I'm an Irish cancer in every sense of both words. Talking to friends, even, is like riping my fingernails out. And therapy is so hard emotionally and physiy. It's like a second (or third) job. That's another thing that's holding me back. But I know. I just have to suck it up and do it.

You just have to decide which is harder- therapy or what you're going through now.

Okay, Irish/Cancer: How many lifetimes will you be spending on this? Best to establish a healthy pattern now. Plenty of hard working women have come before you to show you the way. Don't be afraid. I'm right there with you.

sounds like garden-variety CoDependency there are literally hundreds of books on the subject. you can attend CODA meetings for free (12-step, like AA) since you may be addicted to relationships in general, treating this like any other addiction is a good idea. and i disagree with spending a lot on therapy, since many therapists aren't really qualified to help with addiction. in addition, many therapists just suck, and haven't really healed themselves enough to be in practice, in my opinion. ask a psychology teacher, they probably can't think of a student who didn't get into the field because of their own painful past.

It's more about being able to talk about what hurts. Pain has a tendency to latch-on like a barnacle. If you don't recognize and treat it early, you'll end up with a collection of barnacles. See how the whale breaches, in an effort to rid herself of barnacles and other parasites...

what an excellent metaphore tendril - you have hit the proverbial nail on the head ! I hope the OP takes your advice, it is right on.

i agree that ocean swimming would be excellent therapy

That's a heavy diagnosis to make based on a few lines of text. All we know if she was dumped, and she's hurting. I don't get :co-dependent" out of that, per se. Even a breakup where it's for the best can toss anyone out of their orbit. I would say counseling could be great for this person. But in my opinion, it's a HUGE leap to say "many therapists suck." Finding a good therapist often takes a little investment of research and time on the front end, but there are many good ones out there. And mine worked on sliding scale - many do - so when I was broke, I paid less. But even at her top rate, she was totally worth it. I'd personally take a good therapist over a x-step program any day - although I know people who have gotten a lot out of or both of those options.

At least once a month I become emotionally unpredictable and some would say I drink too much. Does this mean I am codependent too! What is her idea of drinking too much is having x beers x nights a week, when she had x beers once a week before? Giving a diagnosis based on a few sentences is like self diagnosing on web MD. I am sure I can find symptoms in me for half the illnesses out there but that does not mean I have them. It is irresponsible to diagnose someone with out knowing more facts. A therapist will be able to help her get the proper diagnosis and treatment.

Really? "since many therapists aren't really qualified to help with addiction" I wonder who all those folks working in treatment centers are? I wonder how many folks who seek therapy everyday also have addiction issues they work through with their therapist? Maybe I am mistaken with my limited experience with x step recovery programs (read had xyr coin in NA) but don't therapy and recovery go hand in hand?

it is true that many therapists do suck but therapy is still incredibly valuable. You just have to put the work in and find a competent, experienced, healthy therapist. I mean, a lot of mechanics suck. Therefore you shouldn't try to get your car fixed? No, you should find a good mechanic.

Exactly. So what do you offer a person who doesn't ask questions? What do you say to someone who doesn't take an interest in their own well being? How do you say to someone: "This is your life, take a friggin' interest!"

What would you do if you're sitting at the death bed of someone who means the world to you? ? ? ?

No! I got people dying here!

And it's such a long story... I care about my neighbors... And my community... and such... So, they end-up ing me, when the shit hits the fan... and what-ever.. Grampa Ramirez... Ain't gonna make it. And I have a presentation in x hours.

So, anyway... The Ambulance just took Grampa away. I'm pretty sure this is his last trip. Everyone is crying, and I'm not sure what to do.

cry too. You needn't be any more than everyone else. You are feeling what you are feeling. Go with it. And then after a while, excuse yourself and go home and get ready for your presentation tomorrow.

I would say to them everything I wanted them to know about what they mean to me. I would sit with them and read to them and lay next to them and then go out in the hall and weep. I am so sorry, tendril. My thoughts are with you.

Thank You. Really.

(And I did go into the hallway and weep.) Just so you know.

Tendril, I hope the best for you What you're going through is extremely difficult. Your neighbors and community are lucky to have you.

says the person... ...who wants to ask people out via greeting cards...

**high five**

lol. genius.

I'm having trouble Sorry to hear that - I know how you feel - went through something similar almost a year ago. I can tell you though drinking is not the answer.

The truth is: There's plenty more where that came from. Don't wallow. Take action. Invest in yourself. Learn how to find the gift in the situation. Don't make the same mistakes over-and-over. You come from strong stock. Don't let yourself down. etc. etc. (And don't forget to cry your heart out.)